Excited crowds? Check.
Orderly line-waiting? Check.
Red-handed Apple employees getting tired of clapping? Check.
Honestly, we were expecting a bit more iPhone madness today: people attempting to bum-rush an Apple store's doors when it opened. Pranksters buying a new iPhone X and smashing it into the ground in front of fellow line-waiters. A Black Friday-style ruckus. A person dressed up in an inflatable Pixel 2 costume. Anything.
Instead, it appears that Apple's iPhone X launch went off without (too) much craziness to report. Apple's retail stores were packed, but aside from one large robbery of around $370,000 worth of iPhone Xs—before they were even delivered to the Stonestown Galleria store in San Francisco—we haven't seen anything resembling utter chaos from today's launch. If you wisely decided to stay home today, here's what you missed:
The ol' iPhone X stuck to the ground prank
Gluing change to the ground and filming people unsuccessfully trying to pick it up is so old school. It's a lot easier to sucker people in when it looks like someone left their $1,000+ smartphone in the middle of a sidewalk.
A fake Apple Store, iPhone X, and line-waiters
How do you convince people that a glass elevator is actually a brand-new Apple Store? Easy. Hire fake employees and 50 fake line-waiters, all queuing up for an "iPhone X." Well done, Improv Anywhere. Well done.
About those lines...
Nothing says fun like freezing with your friends in an overnight line for a brand-new smartphone. And if you're lucky, you just have to suffer for a single evening. If you wanted to be the first to purchase an iPhone from Apple's store in Palo Alto, California, you would have had start queuing up around Tuesday morning. Perhaps Apple should start selling iTents.
There's always SOMEONE who tries to destroy a brand-new iPhone on launch day. Always.
Well, O.K. Maybe two someones. Sigh.
We lied (again)
Here's a hint for future Apple retail store managers: having guardrails, tickets, or some official way to keep track of everyone's place in a line is a great way to avoid a big surge of grumpy smartphone shoppers. We applaud the employees at this Apple store in Singapore who attempted to bring order to chaos as best they could.
So close, and yet so far
Reality TV star Marco Pierre White Jr. was the very first person in line at the London Apple store. Based on how much he chewed his new device when mugging for the press—yes, chewed—we can only guess that he was as excited for his new smartphone as he was for the brief bit of fame his iPhone X purchase gave him today. Lesson learned, though: Chewing on an iPhone X does not a happy smartphone make. It's possible that his brand-new device was faulty out of the box, but we're giving it 50-50 odds.